Our girl is grown (sniff). We are so proud of you.
As you enter graduate school, here are some words of wisdom from your old teacher and mentor…
∆ Always wear a colorful scarf.
» This indicates to everyone that you are a throat
–without it, your colleagues may think you are just a regular muggle
∆ Always carry a special drink to enhance your singing.
» This could be water, tea, EmergenC, coffee or vodka
–whatever works for you
∆ Always have an answer to the question: “Oh you’re a singer…where do you sing?”
» This is a trick question designed to enhance your creativity, try several answers to see what works for you, see sample answers below
- silly – “…in the shower.”
- defensive – “…in your mother’s shower.”
- stealthy – “…I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you.”
- spiritual – “…in the cathedral of life.”
- truthful – “…in the practice room.”
- entrepreneurial – “…if you give me your email address I’ll let you know.”
- egotistical – “…in all the best places.”
- depressed – “…(sigh) nowhere yet…”
- self-assured – “…in my own little corner, in my own little room.”
- secretive – “…none of your business.”
- educational – “…that is not a very nice question to ask, what if I’m not actually singing anywhere, wouldn’t that make me feel bad? What if I’m still learning? Don’t you think that is a bit harsh? You know, not everyone gets to sing on American Idol. Anyway, I’m a classical singer and we don’t usually go on American Idol or Glee. Well, Susan Boyle was also classical but Josh Groben really isn’t! And also that one guy was pretty good with that Puccini aria but well, that really isn’t what I do…”
∆ Never resort to the casting couch.
» It might feel good in the moment but you’ll hate yourself in the morning.
∆ Never say no to a performance opportunity, no matter how crazy.
» This gives you creative and truthful answers to the question above.
∆ Always be ready to perform when someone demands “Oh you’re a singer…sing something for me!”
» Suggestions: “The Oscar Meyer Wiener Song,” “Der Hölle Rache” really loudly, “The National Anthem” (its good practice for singing at games), “What a Friend I have in Jesus” while handing out a pamphlet. Be creative, this is your time to shine!
With these little helpful hints you are sure to be wildly successful. In bocca al lupo! Toi, toi, toi! (Spit, spit, spit) and turn around three times. (P.S. The salt goes over the right shoulder!)